I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
