after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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