By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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