i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
