Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
