God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
