If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
