There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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