I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
