Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
