Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
