this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
