I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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