I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
