why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
