Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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