sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
