tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
