She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
