ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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