I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i out mim tonsoeep
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
