a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
