coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
