so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
