Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea

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(207): View more from Maine

Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?

(1-207): View more from Maine

I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

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(925): View more from California

I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...

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(616): View more from Michigan

I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.

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