The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
