Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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