oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
