just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
