Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
