these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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