walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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