Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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