she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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