I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
