Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
