Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
