I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
