I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
