My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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