He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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