So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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