Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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