Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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