wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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