yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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