Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
