why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
