Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
