Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
