Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
