Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
