How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want a musical about memes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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