I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
