peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
