ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
