So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize