Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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