Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
