these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
