Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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