Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
