evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
