I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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