I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
