I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
