remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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