If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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