I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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