so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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