dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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