I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
