i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
