I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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